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O Lord … the other day one of my friends asked me how I always looked so happy with smiles on my face even though she knew I had gone through so much in life. She said anyone who just knew me would think I was born with silver spoons in my mouth and never knew what hardship meant.
I smiled and said, “Here it is, the source of my happiness”, and pointed at my heart with my index finger. My friend’s eyes widened with excitement. “Are you in love?” I smiled a broader smile. “Yes, I am. In fact the love in my heart is so full that it overflows. My love of God, that is.” My friend’s face looked disappointed. “Again, God again.” But then she couldn’t help continuing her conversation. “I tried, too, but I never got loved back from God nor received any message from God. I think God loves you more than me.” I knew immediately she was complaining because she did not get what she prayed for.
“Do you think God is like us human being? Whenever you ask anything from Him, he will have to hurry and hand it to you? If you think like this, you’ll forever be disappointed because God will NOT respond to requests from His children the way we human do.”
“I have been a catholic since I was born. I have never been granted anything that I pray for. They say God usually favors new converts like you.”
I answered her back, “Will you listen to me? Actually as a new child of God, I’m not knowledgeable about God enough to tell you anything about Him because you know God longer than I do. But after being tested for more than 20 years, I dare say I’ve discovered God. In fact I can feel Him every day, and I welcome Him into my heart every day. That’s why I am so happy. Let me tell you how I get everything I pray for.”
“One example was that many years ago when my court case first ended, I was still traumatized, painful, and hurt. I couldn’t accept the fact that I had to lose 20 years of my life though I did not do anything wrong. I was accused of the crime I did not commit. While my colleagues went on to become millionaires, chairmen, and top executives, I had become a forgotten woman, broken spiritually and financially. Society shunned me, and later my husband left me, leaving our 4 children for me to take care alone. Though I was able to forgive all, I lived in self pity. Every day I’d wake up thinking how I could just go to sleep without having to get up the next day. No, I did not think of suicide again, but I was thinking to myself where I could find a sleeping pill that could put me to sleep for 5 years per pill. I’d take 2 so that I could sleep without having to wake up for 10 years hoping that when I finally did, life would be better for me. I prayed and prayed to God to please ‘heal’ me, and to Mary to give love to my heart that was broken to pieces. Then I listened.”
“You listened? You really trusted God to the point that you thought God would talk to you?”
“Please let me continue.” I listened because I knew God could and would heal me. How and
when, I didn’t know; but I opened my heart to receive any message from Him every day. Then one day He spoke to me. At that time Thailand was hosting the FESPIC Game, an Asian Game for the invalids. That night the president of the Association for the Disabled (I didn’t remember the proper name) who had only one leg appeared on television. He was giving a speech welcoming the participants of the game who were all disabled. “No one wants to be born an invalid. However, if one has to be under such condition either by birth or by any unfortunate circumstances, should that person bemoan the rest of his life at his misfortune? What good would it do? On the contrary if that person accepts this misfortune as fact of life, he can very much live a life as normal and as happy as the healthy people.”
I sprang up from my sofa. Yes, God had just spoken to me.! I must be able to accept what happened to me as fact of life, and live on. I couldn’t go back and re-lived or changed my past, nor could I jump into the future. But I can live my present to the very best. So what if society shunned me? So what if my husband left me? I still had my mind and body healthy and in tact.
I can start a new life if only I could forget the past and accept it as fact of life.
Yes, God I heard You! Loud and clear. BUT, could I ? Could I just forget the injustice that had been inflicted upon me for the past 2 decades? Could I just brush aside the pain that the only man whom I ever loved and to whom I could give my life simply walked away from me and our 4 children at the time when I needed someone the most?
That night I analyzed, prayed, and listened till dawn. God has spoken. Whether I could do it or not depended on me myself. God only helps those who help themselves.
Gradually I healed my destroyed heart. And what you said a while ago why I always looked so happy was that I have conversation with God every day. He listens and He replies. If you want God to answer to your prayers, you must have an unconditional faith. Then open your heart wide and deep. And listen! And you’ll find out that miracles can happen to ordinary people like you and me every day.”
“For nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:37
Amen.
A Child of God
