Chapter 2: Please Heal Me

O Lord….. This morning I came across an article, “The Power of Forgiveness”. It was written by an American veteran who dropped the napalm bomb to a small village in Vietnam some 20 years ago. The consequences of his action were captured on film by a photographer whose picture of a naked 7-year-old girl run screaming in the middle of the road won a Pulitzer price. The writer said that for decades he had lived with guilt in his heart and had turned his back against God. It wasn’t until he met his 3rd wife when he finally found what he had been looking for—peace in his heart again. She was a devout Christian. Through her he came back to accept God as his savior, and had since become a preacher. Eventually, he had an opportunity to meet that naked 7-year-old girl who was then a grown up woman, happily married and lived a normal life in Toronto, Canada; and asked for her forgiveness. She readily forgave him.

As I read the article, tears streamed down my face. Every time I read about prisoners-of-war telling stories of their torture or people who are prosecuted unfairly, I’d find myself in tears. Most of these people would turn away from God for a long time….until one day when they met someone who could sooth their hearts with God’s love. That’s when they came back to God again. That’s when they could find the strength to forgive themselves or those who had put them through so much miseries before finally being healed.

But for me, my Lord, I had an experience contrary to all the stories I had read. I was condemned and persecuted for the crime I did not commit. I had to live a life in exile like a criminal eluding extradition at times eating just one meal a day in a foreign land. All the time that I was suffering, I did not once lose faith in You nor did I once blame You. On the contrary I cried out to You for help time and again. And throughout those trying times I was not even a Christian yet.

Now, my Lord, now that my ordeal is over, now that I’m proven innocent, I’m suffering much more, more than any words could describe. I told myself during my life in exile that I must not die, that I had to fight for justice, that I had to clear my name for my children’s sake. Fourteen years had passed. Now that my name is cleared, where is justice? While my former colleagues are now top CEO’s or Chairmen of well-known companies, I am a broken woman, forgotten by society and shunned by friends. Most painful is the fact that there is no one, absolutely no one

I liken myself to a deer which fell into a trap dug by a hunter. Once done, the surface of the trap was covered with leaves and branches. I was buried alive with no sunlight and no way to escape. With miracle from God one day I was pulled from the hell hole. My whole body was covered with wounds and bruises. All I had left was my breathing and an unyielding heart.

Once home I’d expect my owner to help heal me and put me back to the path of a normal life. Instead he looked at me with eyes of scorn. Instead of treating me with kind and understanding words, he poured hot boiling water on me. Instead of curing my wounds with soothing medicine, he put salt and pepper in them. Worst yet, my unwavering faith in God was mocked and laughed at. If there was God, why did I have to go through what I did?

O Lord….. Please help me. You are supreme above all things in the whole of universe. Please help heal me. Only You know how. My pain is so deep that I find it impossible to go on in my life. No, my Lord, my pain is not caused by hatred. I have no hatred left. I was able to forgive all who hurt me because of You, remember? I desperately want to be healed. Please send someone, something, or somewhat to help heal me.

Please, my Lord, please heal me.

“I’m worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.
Away from me, all you who do evil, for the Lord had heard my weeping.

The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.

All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;

they will turn back in sudden disgrace.” Psalm 6:6-10

Amen

A Child of God